College: Will/Is your job as a parent over?

The simple answer to this question is: NO. But, your job will be different now. You have been a great manager up to the senior year of high school….now it is time to stop “managing” and become a “consultant”.
It is also time to talk to your child about your expectations for their behavior. Every family deals with the issues of drugs and drinking in a different manner, and that is okay. The key here is that you deal with it, even if it is uncomfortable. High school and college offer many opportunities for your student to experiment…particularly in college because they are not living at home and they are enjoying their freedom.

I believe parents make the mistake of thinking that their child knows everything, or that they would never make a poor choice. Some parents deal with these issues in high school and therefore these issues are already dealt with. It is imperative that the discussion happen at some point, and that it is “refreshed” before going off to college. Our children like to make us think that they “know it all”, but more often they don’t know the half of it.

Number 1: Drinking. Perhaps your student doesn’t drink. Maybe they do and you don’t know it. You could be a parent who allows your student to drink moderately. Regardless, your child will be offered alcohol in college. LOTS of it. High school students who drink often watch their intake because they know they have to go home to mom and dad. What happens when they can stay out all night and they have no one to answer to? Talk to your student about choices, and explain to them that if they choose to drink, they must drink responsibly. DESIGNATED DRIVERS ARE ESSENTIAL. Some colleges even have a service where a student can call and get a ride with no questions asked. Talk to them about driving, parties, and the fact that most sexual assaults on college campuses happen at parties where there is drinking. These assaults are perpetrated by nice looking young men on campus, not derelict sex offenders in raincoats.  Students need to understand the role that alcohol plays in these offenses. Discuss binge drinking and the consequences of alcohol poisoning. Bring these issues up calmly, and don’t allow your student to run off without discussing these matters. Chances are you will have information to give them that they do not know.

Number 2. Drugs. The dangers of drugs in college are more than just the recreational use of illegal substances. Your daughters need to learn about date rape drugs, and they need to be taught how to avoid ingesting them. Never take an open drink from someone. Girls need to adhere to the buddy system: travel in pairs or more, always. Even to the ladies room. NEVER let a friend leave with a guy if she seems impaired in any way. Talk about Natalee Holloway who left her friends at a Carlos and Charlies in Aruba with a young man she had just met, never to be seen again. Tell them about the dangers of being too trusting. Drugs and alcohol impair judgment. Period.  Our sons need to understand the dangers of drugs and alcohol and how it impairs their judgment regarding consent. Explain to them that consent is essential in all sexual encounters, and that consent cannot be legally given if their potential partner is drugged or inebriated.  Getting a girl drunk is not the way to obtain sexual favors, in many states, it is a felony and constitutes sexual assault.  The vast majority of rapes on campuses occurs in fraternity houses, during or after a party where alcohol has been widely used. Urge your student not to be a statistic.

There are so many resources to learn about alcohol and sexual assault on campuses.  Click here for articles and books, and use search engines to learn more about talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol.